when do you give up?

I’ve hit a wall while working on Callisto. Except it’s not really a wall, because I can think of things to write and put words on the page, so to speak — I’m just bored with it. I don’t know if it’s a case of terminal boredom, or if it’s a case of sickness + pet death = disinterest in everything.

At what point do you decide something isn’t working for you and rip it up?

I’ve never been precious with my work. One of the nicest things a college professor said to me was he admired my willingness to rip my stories up and not shy away from heavy revisions. (This was immediately followed by “But sometimes I think you rip it up a little too enthusiastically.”)

But I think I’ve gotten precious with this. I outlined this particular story to practice a game mechanic I want to use in a longer piece. It’s a mechanic that involves strategizing, assessing your resources and making cost/benefit decisions. Fairly standard for games, I think, but not something I’ve done in the few pieces I’ve written so far. And I think… I think I don’t like this mechanic.

When you’re writing a story where the player/reader has to strategize, you have to make certain kinds of decision-points, and these decision-points have to have pros and cons. I want to get past the guard: I could spend some of my limited amount of money bribing her, or I could try to charm her.. The player/reader then has to weigh the cost/benefit of each option (bribery guarantees success but diminishes ability to bribe later; charm has a risk of failure).

As a player, I don’t really enjoy strategizing. It’s one of the reasons I love games like Fiasco — there’s an element of strategy if you’re into that sort of thing, but it’s not a necessary part of the gameplay.

In Jayla Gets a Pet, there’s no strategy to the choices. You pick what feels right for you and are swept along in the story. My very first CYOA story, which I haven’t published because it’s a major project I’m still working on, is the same way. The purpose of the choices isn’t to figure out how to get to the good end — it’s to make the main character more like you, so that you’re reading a story where you can see yourself. It’s not so much interactive fiction as reflective fiction.

And that’s what I like. I like (as a player/reader) having a subtle influence on the story. I like to make decisions but not have them interrupt the flow of the story. I don’t want to stop reading so I can figure out the best move to make.

So the question becomes — do I power through the boredom for the sake of practicing this mechanic, which I don’t like in general but which would be a critical part of a story I want to write eventually? Or do I rip it up and try something new?

Do I go with my natural disinclination for strategy and my innate tendency to rip things up & try again? Or do I push myself to finish, because it’s good to step out of your comfort zone sometimes?

I wrote this post, thinking I could write myself into making a decision like last week, but I’m still not sure.